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Dropping Your Rock

annisa — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 22:25:00 GMT

We’ve all heard the cliché, " people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones." Well, I certainly do not live in a glass house. And I certainly now that I should not throw stones! But, oh, how easy it is to pick up the stone and toss it in the air, tauntingly.

Can you picture it? As we stand with an accusatory look on our face, tossing the rock in the air, ready to throw it….. "who do you think you are, all holy and mighty?" "Look at the trouble your kid is in", "did you hear…" ready……aim…….

*1But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

Ever tried to bait that trap? Tried to stir up conflict and cause others to look at someone else’s sin? Tried to deflect attention from your own life to draw attention to another’s? Do you ask other’s the questions hoping to get the answers that you want to hear? Or asking the question hoping to challenge an ‘authority’?

(Before I get to far….these questions are aimed in the mirror….asking myself these questions…if you read it and think it’s about you, maybe it’s for you…)

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

We don’t know what Jesus was writing, scripture doesn’t tell us. What could it be? Was it the names in the crowd who were guilty of the same sin? We may never know this side of heaven, but what I do know…He wasn’t writing out a warrant for the woman; an edict that would condemn her for her sin. But He did accuse the teachers & the Pharisees of being sinners themselves. Busted them right out on it! "Ok boys, which one of you is perfect? Hmmmm…go ahead and throw it IF you are flawless and sinless." (Annisa’s paraphrase)

9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.

Accused, busted out, called on their own sin…they knew they weren’t perfect and without sin. They had no right to judge her….that’s it! Judgement! Oh, how easy it is to look at other’s and make up our mind about someone, someone we don’t know…but just look at them, you can tell what they are like, right? Judgement, the woman – not even important enough to have a name - standing there alone in her sin….oh yeah! Alone…..where was the guy? Where was the fella she was "caught in the act" with? Shouldn’t he be accused also, after all, he was there right? So easy to blame one and excuse another. So easy to only look at the situation standing right in front of you and neglect the rest of the story. Or worse yet, speculate on the story…

10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

11"No one, sir," she said.

No one! Not one! Nada! Zip..ok, you get the point. The older folks left first, not because it was 4:30 and it was time for the Sr. Supper Special…no, they were older and likely had more sin – at least more years to sin.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin"

Jesus didn’t condemn her! He looked at her accusers and saw this woman, most likely naked (if she were caught in the act) standing in shame. Alone. Jesus chose to spare this woman and be gracious. Mercy was His motive, Grace was His gift. She didn’t deserve to be spared, she broke the law. And in God’s eyes, adultery is right up there with murder. God does not have a sliding scale to which He decides big sin or little sin….Sin is sin!

But Jesus spared her. He has spared each of us….His death on the cross washed that sin. Don’t get me wrong, sin is still sin; and it’s offensive in God’s eyes, but for those who choose Him – those He loves. There is no record of sin. It’s been wiped away.

When Jesus wrote on the sand, maybe it said…"I love you, wait and see what I am going to do for you on the Cross! Just because my Father & I love you."

*John 8:1 - 11 NIV

Scary super-bug

annisa — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 22:35:00 GMT

It's that time of year again when everyone has got a 'bug' of some kind or another. Alot of school-aged kids come down with Strep Throat and we, parents, don't really think too much about it. "Strep" can be terribly dangerous....a few years ago we found out the hard way.

In March, about 4 years ago, Malachi was feeling run down, tired all the time. He was so lethargic and slept alot, now, anyone that knows him, knows he is in constant motion. We knew something was wrong...we went to the Dr. and had all sorts of blood tests...nothing conclusive. We were told maybe 'mono' - that test came back inconclusive...and then the scary word...leukemia...yet again tests came back inconclusive. By this time he was having such terrible abdomen pain and sleeping 16 - 18 hours a day. Needless to say we were frustrated.

We went to Children's Hospital in Madison and spent an entire day of testing and question after question. They asked us if Malachi recently had "strep throat"......two months prior, Malachi had been diagnosed with Strep Throat, yeah, no big deal....take the anti-biotics - he'll be fine. We didn't give it a second thought. The Dr. told us what Malachi had is a Post-Streptococcal Syndrome that had weakened his immune system and was now attacking his liver. There wasn't much they could do for him other than another round of super-antibiotics and lots of rest. Malachi was home from school over a month. His immunity to Strep is compromised and can be dangerous to his liver. We had never heard of this, but 6 months later a client's daughter was diagnosed and hers had attacked her heart. (It can attack heart, lungs, liver & thyroid)

I guess I tell you all this from a soap-box on my knees....my soap box is to you, as parents, strep is serious. Don't ever take it lightly! I am on my knees asking you, in prayer, to pray for Malachi. He was diagnosed today with Strep Throat again. It's very dangerous for him, he's on an antibiotic and will rest (if I have to sit on him I will!) The Syndrome doesn't rear it's ugly head until a few weeks after. Please be aware of any changes in your kids health in the month or so after they have had Strep.

Blessings to you for a healthy Christmas season!

Spiritual Markers

annisa — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 20:57:00 GMT

I was working on an assignment for our women's Bible study (I was supposed to have it done last week, sorry Shelly) But it was to prepare a spiritual inventory of our life and identify our spiritual markers. A spiritual marker identifies a time of transition, decision or direction that you know God has guided you.

I'm not sure I can look back over my (now)40 years and accurately place marker where I knew the direction God was pointing me...

I always remember growing up in the church. That's not to say that my family went to church. My mom or dad always dropped me off. I went to Sunday School with all my friends, went to youth group and everything. But the coolest thing was when I got to be an acolyte. It was almost like flaming batons! I walked into the sanctuary with my fancy robe carrying the light that would light the altar candles. I didn't have a clue what it was all about, I just knew I was super-cool. So perhaps a memento of a lit candle would be a good marker...

The scarlet letters of shame were the fabric that many people added to piece by piece. It was almost as if the people that had harmed me in my life each brought a piece to make a patchwork quilt. The hurtful things people had said were like the binding that held it all in place...

The near collapse of my marriage might have been because I was trying to carry that quilt around with me or was I trying to smother the flames of anger and betrayal with a quilt of selfishness and suffering. I left my husband, I packed up everything I had; prepared to never come back. I even took my mix-master...

Later, Dave and I sat at a park bench trying to sort out the pieces of a broken life together. We sat for hours talking and crying together (I think) for the first time. We freely spoke out hearts and began to heal...

When we finally reconciled, I moved back home (mix master in tow) and needed a fresh start for a fresh life. I think I painted every square inch of our house in one week. While my oldest son, Adam, and I were scraping the paint from the french-door's windows, his razor slipped and cut my finger. Happy homecoming - 6 stitches...

There was a tree where we nearly lost Adam in a car accident. We know that God sent an angel (driving an Explorer) to save him. The tree was holding the license plate off the car; 8 feet off the ground. The car had cartwheeled end to end a couple of times...

Popcorn on the floor of church. Nxt.lvl - the youth ministry that will change the landscape of our community. I know it has changed our family! Malachi became involved in nxt.lvl after some friends (persistently) invited him.The more he got involved the more we felt God leading us in a new path. It was a tough transition as a family, but we knew it was God's plan...He left us a trail of popcorn to lead the way...

A trail that leads me back to the tree... the Cross of Calvary. A place where I can sit on my park bench at the feet of Jesus and know for certain where my journey leads. A place where I feel the love and assurance of my Saviour, where I don't need a quilt of shame. A place where my stitches were traded for nail scarred hands. The cross where there is no need for a mix-master to feast on the Bread of Life.

And as for my lit candle...'Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.' Psalm 119:105 (NIV)

Thanks for the Mammaries

annisa — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 17:20:41 GMT

Now, I know I gave fair warning that my next blog would be about mammograms, but for those of you who didn’t get that warning….you might want to click out……NOW!

Today is a pivotal day for me. I know most would say ‘that it’s only Halloween’. But to me, Halloween is about scary things and tombstones. Today I celebrate with milestones!

October 31: the last day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Yes folks, mammogram time! I think mammograms had to be invented by a man. Because no woman in God’s creation ask her fellow sisters to place ‘the girls’ on two pieces of plexi-glass and watch them become a shape that God never intended. Need a visual? How about a plexi-glass waffle iron, as in you can see through it, and you just put too much batter in and it’s falling out the sides. And then the two stupidest things ever spoken, “don’t move’ and “hold your breath”. I know for a fact that this is not God’s plan, He meant something entirely different in Scripture about placing your offerings on the alter! Today I received my results from a mammogram a week ago… more on that later.

All joking aside, mammograms save lives. I lost my mother to breast cancer in 2002. I know that this seems harsh, but before she was diagnosed, she was a coward. She had endometrial cancer in 1988, as did her mother 6 months prior. Naturally, she had a full work up upon her diagnosis and subsequent treatment. Blood work, x-rays, scans and yes, a mammogram. Fast forward to 1998…I had a lump removed from my left breast. My mom sat in the waiting room (with my mom-in-law & husband) awaiting the news of my surgery and pathology reports. Praise God, it was non-cancerous. Fast forward to 2000…I went through a couple of really scary health issues in the 2 years since my lumpectomy. With my mom at my side… I finally surrendered to a hysterectomy that January. I will never forget the last morning of my hospital stay. My surgeon came to my room and said “Your pathology reports came in, thank God we did this now – if we had waited 6 months, you would have to have chemo.” My family and I rejoiced! Don’t let me kid you, the recovery sucked! But we all breathed a sigh of relief…

In 2001, my mother began to have some really weird problems with ‘the girls’. But she suffered in silence. On a visit to her home (which at the time was a last minute decision on my part, turned out to be a divine appointment on God’s part) I finally was a witness to the discomfort and problems she was having. I pretty much bullied her into going to the doctor. Naturally, they did another full work up: Blood work, x-rays, scans and yes, a mammogram. Now, she had been going to the Dr. for her post-cancer check ups for almost 13 years. But, this was her first mammogram since the one she had in 1988. Her reasoning, who knows!? But she, like many women, believe that if you don’t go – you don’t have to worry about bad news. She was immediately diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer…we were devastated. From January 2001 to her death in January 2002 she existed in a painful agonizing ‘cure’. When she died, the chemo had ravaged her entire body rendering her legs & lungs useless. She was on a ventilator and hadn’t put her feet to the floor in 3 months.

I don’t tell you all this to feel sorry for us…I tell you this in celebration of her. October was also her birthday, a pink birthstone and ultimately, a pink ribbon she so proudly wore. When she was diagnosed and then began her treatments, I was at her side like she had done for me so many times. Yes, I was angry with her. Her ignorance and denial of getting a regular mammogram may have cost her her life. She watched and waited with me so many times for pathology reports and surgeon visits and never thought about her own life. But as she sat in the office, she agreed to an experimental treatment and looked me in the eye and said “ I am doing this now so you will never have to. We have to find a cure.” She might have been a coward before cancer, but she was going to go down a fighter.

To the women I love, if you are 35 –40….get a mammogram. And to the men, encourage the women in your life to get a mammogram. I know I haven’t painted you a pretty picture about them. And yes, it sucks. But 12 minutes of ‘discomfort’ is nothing compared to 12 months (in my mom’s case) of devastation.

Ignorance is not bliss….ignorance is just ignorance and denial is deadly. For two years after my lumpectomy in 1998, I had a mammogram every 6 months. I was able to graduate to once a year in 2000. And today, I rejoice! For one more year, one more mammogram….all is well! Another ‘clean’ report….I am so glad, my cups runneth over! (couldn’t resist)

God loves you & so do I!!!
xoxoxo

The Superwoman 'S'

annisa — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 15:12:00 GMT

I know it's been a while since my last blog... but I've been thinking...

Thinking about Superwoman's "S" on her costume. (Naturally my "S" is in pink glitter) What does the S really stand for? I know it is meant to identify who she is. Is it a logo or crest that she chose herself or was it given to her by someone else? So many times our identity is defined by what other people think. Often times it is based on what we assume other people think. Sadly, it is a mark like a Scarlet Letter that we have been given by the hurts and situations that have occurred in our life.

Some of us that wear the 'S' are actually wearing the letter of 'Shame'. Shame for dumb choices that we have made, shame for things that were out of our control...many times from wounds of abuse. We walk around hiding our shame with smiles and a false 'S' as our crest. We think that we can hide ourselves from anyone knowing the truth about us. But is it really the truth? Events, situations and circumstances are not meant to define us. They are stepping stones to develop our character...

Romans 5:1-5

¹Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

We aren't meant to walk around wearing crests of shame, we are created to walk in hope. Hope that knowing while people may keep lists and records of dumb things God doesn't and he doesn't hold those things against us.

Romans 9:33
³³As it is written:
   "See, I lay in Zion a stone that causes men to stumble
   and a rock that makes them fall,
   and the one who trusts in Him will never be put to shame."

We may stumble or fall, but hope is a choice. I can choose to wear the 'S' of shame or I can put my trust and hope in Him. We are gonna make mistakes, we aren't perfect. But we can choose to run to Him and cry out "Save me, I can't do this on my own. My hope is in You."

What 'S' are you wearing? Mine is "Saved", naturally, in pink glitter.

Superwoman is an idiot!

annisa — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 12:46:00 GMT

Now, before all the Marvel Comic's fans start sending me hate mail... stay with me on this one!

I am Superwoman! or at least I think I am. I have this totally unneccessary burden of thinking that I need to be 'busy' at all times. I'm usually going 90 miles an hour in a dozen directions just to stay busy. I feel totally guilty if I'm not doing something. (I come from a long line of Lithuanian Catholic women...guilt is their thing!) But when I am busy doing so many things at once, I'm not capable of doing any one thing well. No one puts that burden on me, no one says "do more!" or "why are you sitting down?". Quite honestly, it makes my family crazy! But for some bizarre reason I think every woman is like this...or at least that what I told myself to feel less crazy.

While I was doing my Bible study* this morning, there was a section titled "Don't Just Do Something". It speaks about our need to be busy doing something all the time...hmmmm, does this guy know me? Blackaby writes, "We always want to be doing something. Every now and then someone will exclaim, 'Don't just stand there; do something.' Ok, this guy totally knows me...scary. Blackaby goes on..."In contrast God is crying out to us, 'Don't just do something, stand there!'

Guilt is not God's thing, it's our thing. We heap all this junk on ourselves. We just add it to the backpack of 'dumb things I believe' and carry it around day after day. Keep moving! Stay busy! Don't drop your backpack! God doesn't ask us to carry that backpack. Jesus said, 'For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.' Matthew 11;30 - I think I'd rather carry that backpack!

I'm working on standing still. It's tough for Superwoman, maybe I will try being Wonderwoman...but that's another blog!

*Experiencing God, by Richard & Henry Blackaby and Claude King

Why a blog?

annisa — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 21:59:35 GMT

I know....I asked myself the same question.

Why would anyone want to know...

What time I got up this morning (6AM thanks for asking)
What I had for breakfast (the customary pot of coffee)
What I have on (now that's just crossing the line!)

But I am beginning to understand the rationale behind a blog. I am truly interested in what other human beings think. I may not agree with them, but that's the beauty of it! One person, with one random thought, can invoke you to think about your position on said thought. Do I agree with them, do I strongly disagree with them, did it make me laugh or cry....whatever the statement - it causes me to think.

I pray that over the coming days (and the ridiculous randomness of my thought process) you will be empowered to think, laugh and cry.

Dear Friends, my journey is not a special one, but it is better shared....
Blessings to you
xoxoxox